Holiday Half Recap
This was my first time running the Holiday Half. I’ve always heard good things about the course and how if you’re looking for a PR, this is the course to do it on. So when I signed up for it earlier in the year, that was the goal.
Overall, the big goal for me this year was to run the Chicago Marathon to earn a qualifying time to guarantee entry into the New York Marathon. Since I turned forty-five this year, the time to get into that race gets a bit easier. I need to run something under 3:05 in the marathon or under 1:28 for a half marathon. Luckily, training went well, the stars aligned and the running gods were on my side and I eked out a qualifying time with ten seconds to spare! (Read that recap here)
With earning that qualifier, the stress with the Holiday Half eased up a bit. Yes, I still wanted to run well and earn a new PR, but having an extra layer on top was removed. I figured I’d come back from Chicago, take a week or two off and hit it hard with some good speed work for the half. But when we (wifey & I) came back, I just didn’t have the mental energy to get back to it like I normally would. Things took a sharp left while in Chicago.
Two days before we left for Chicago, my wife had a biopsy to look at a mass that was found on her breast. They told us we would find out with 24-36 hours the results. By Wednesday night, we hadn’t heard anything and left that night hoping not hearing anything was good news. Nope. While taking a morning nap in the hotel after our redeye flight, we were awakened by the phone ringing. The doctors confirmed that the mass was indeed a tumor and she had breast cancer.
So after shedding a few tears and gathering ourselves from that news, we decided to make the best of the trip. What else could we do? The first of many cancer appointments wasn’t until the following week when we got back. We might as well enjoy the trip as best as possible and not dwell on what we don’t know. With hella friends that came from SD, the Bay Area and Florida to watch me and my boy race and to celebrate a belated birthday for me, it turned out to be the best medicine for the soul.
Since our first meeting with her medical team on 10/13, it’s been a whirlwind of emotions as we navigate this new reality. There have been some sleepless nights, more tears, anxiety and fear of the unknown of what’s next. Luckily her team has been nothing short of remarkable in answering all of our questions – sometimes before we even ask, handling all of the scheduling of appointments and blazing the widest path for us to where they just point us in the direction and tell us where to go.
Times like this you know that you can’t just lean on one another. And as we’ve told our family and close friends the news, they’ve been super supportive with their time, words and occasional food deliveries to show love to her. We’re beyond blessed.
In the two months that Joni has been diagnosed, she has been amazing in handling it all. Of course she’s had her share of wondering why this is happening to her, overthinking things and being scared. Who wouldn’t? But as each new appointment happens, she goes in holding her head high and with a positive attitude. As of this writing, it’s been one month since she had lumpectomy surgery to remove the tumor and she’s doing great. Tests show that the cancer has not spread anywhere else. We’re over the moon with that news. But we also know we’re not done yet. Radiation and possibly chemotherapy are on the horizon for the new year. But like running a marathon, you can overwhelm yourself with the enormity of it all. Focus on the mile you’re in. Which is what we’ve been doing – taking it step by step and celebrating as we get past each phase of this.
So when I say that training has gone by the wayside, it definitely has. I love racing hella much, but I love Joni more obviously. Running and the gym have always been my source of therapy; something I use to release stress. Joni’s cancer diagnosis definitely has me releasing stress out on the roads & trails and clanging & banging at the gym! But I just don’t have the mental capacity to stick to something regimented and strict right now. So I’ve been listening to my body and doing what I can. I know I need to be strong for her and most importantly present for her whether physically at her doctor appointments or emotionally. Being physically strong somehow makes me feel strong emotionally. I know that it’s just a façade. I think I associate being strong with Atlas, the Greek titan who carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. I want to fix this whole situation. But I can’t. But I can put my best foot forward for her and do my best to be what she needs. So sometimes that’s a shoulder, an ear. Sometimes it’s encouragement, lots of hugs and perfect timing of jokes to make her laugh.
It’s been a lot of slow running these past few weeks. A sprinkling of short tempo runs just to feel the legs out. Barely any long runs – I finally ran a 10 miler a week before the race, just to know that I could do it. One good thing is that I’m doing my annual run streak from Thanksgiving day through New Year’s day. Twenty minutes of running daily. I can commit myself to that though that hasn’t been easy either on some days. But I knew/know that it’s needed to be done, even if it’s not wanting to be done. There’s a difference. So at least I’ve been keeping some sort of semblance of running shape. All of the back squats, deadlifts and all the other strength training in the gym definitely helped keep the body strong too. I can’t stress the importance of strength training!
Race day comes and it’s brisk out! Forty-five degrees to start. I chat with a bunch of run buds pre-race and keep warm. I’m not sure where to pace myself for the race. Do I still have 1:30 in me right now? Or am I more at 1:35? Fuck it, let’s aim for 1:30. Rely on some muscle memory and race smart. I feel alone at this race. Joni isn’t there. She’s always at every race. Nearly 90 races and she’s missed only like six. She didn’t feel like going that day and I understood. But man I love having her there before a race to give one last pre-race kiss to.
I line up just behind the 1:30 pace group and off we go. I jostle for positioning as runners slowly spread out in that first mile. I hit the mile mark with a conservative 6:58. Felt okay. Slowly pick up the pace as we hit the one major hill on this course. Mile two goes by in 6:40, mile three with the hill in 6:57. Finally, I rip the mental band aid off and gain some confidence. 6:25 for mile four. Ooh too fast maybe? Slow it down a bit for mile five and come in at 6:40. Looking over my Garmin splits, I realize that I was constantly going back and forth with the mileage with a fast one and a slower one instead a more constant pace throughout like I usually do. I definitely wasn’t sure of what I could do for this one. I didn’t want to blow up mid-race. I played it conservative and tucked in behind runners to draft off them, save energy and pull away from them throughout.
Pre-race, I ran into my run bud Tony who ran his first marathon at CIM a couple of weeks before and finished in a blistering 3:05. Amazing. He was a bit nervous about running fast for this one thinking it was too soon post-marathon. For many, it might be. But I know he’s a strong runner and that he had it in him. I’ve done that back to back marathon/half marathon thing a few times myself and know that it is possible to crush a half after a full. Everything is already in place. All the training is done. You definitely have to let the legs warm up and then decide to say fuck it and push. Take advantage of a downhill course and gravity to make a fast pace easier and by mile 9, feel the legs out and decide when to pull the trigger to pick up the pace. So that’s what I told him. So when I hit mile nine (6:46), I took my own advice. Mile ten passes by in 6:40 and I know it’s hammer time.
The whole race Joni is on my mind. Way more than usual. Much like in Chicago, I was thinking, “She’s dealing with all of this physical and emotional trauma that’s gonna be prevalent for months. You can handle whatever discomfort this race brings. This last 5K of the race is all out of downhill. We’re done with running on the downhill bike path and running more in and around the streets of Carmel Valley and Torrey Pines. Mile eleven I carry whatever momentum of downhill is left as the road flattens out. I pass the marker at 6:34.
Looking ahead I can see that the last two miles are a slight uphill on Carmel Valley Rd as we head to the finish. I kinda noticed it when I drove on the road earlier in the morning but paid no attention as I was still blurry eyed at pre-dawn hours. But here we are. Looking at my splits, I’m wondering if earning a PR is possible. Running math while you’re running hard is hard to do. I realize that today isn’t the day. With all that has been going on, a PR wasn’t even on the books, so the fact that I’m running as well as I am is a victory in itself. Run hard for Joni. Push for her. It’s only two miles. It’s a slight uphill. It’s a tempo run. Fuck your legs. I duck into the turn, head for the turnaround cone and drift around it. Pop back out onto the main street and pass the mile twelve marker at 6:35.
Last mile. Legs are burning. The hill looks never ending. Run hard for Joni. Don’t quit. Reel in that guy. Boom. Done. Don’t look at your watch. Ignore your pace. Run off feel. Reel in that girl. Boom. Done. Run hard for Joni. Don’t give up. Hold on. Almost at the last turn. Hit the corner into the parking lot and pass the mile thirteen marker at 6:30. I give it one last hard push and leave it all out on the course. 1:27:29. Not a PR. But I’m more than satisfied.
My running journey started twelve years ago running for my friend that lost her fight with brain cancer. There were plenty of reasons to run far beyond myself back then. A lot of running with your heart. A lot of running to sort your thoughts. Over the years, reasons to run continue to be beyond myself. Yes, I love the fun of training and the satisfaction of what I’m able to do. But running for those close to me that have fought their own battles over the years, some winning, some fighting valiantly, is always a part of what and who I’m thinking about during training runs and during race day. And while my wife, Joni is on the road to recovery and becoming a cancer survivor, it hits far closer to home than I could ever imagine.
A big shout out to the medical team at UCSD that have been absolute gems throughout this whole ordeal. Thank you to all of our family and friends that have blessed us with all of their love, support, prayers and well wishes. Thank you to all the random run buds that I have told about Joni’s situation and letting me talk about it. It has been cathartic. I love you Joni. Fuck cancer.
